...motivation lapse

So, you're wondering why I haven't posted in over 3 weeks? Quite simply, because I have been struggling and generally failing miserably at Weight Watchers. After reaching my 10% goal, I have not lost (overall) more then that. I've waffled, gaining one week, down the next.

I'd love to blame it on PMS, bad health, stress... but the truth is I have lost focus, and that has resulted in a complete lapse in all the basics. I haven't journaled, drank enough water, or even counted points many days. I have splurged, far too often, on junk food, blizzards, and Cold Stone. The reason I'm floundering is all me.

So, I'm trying to get my focus back. Understanding the my self-discipline will eventually lapse if left to me, myself, and I, I have started a new Bible devotional. It's a 6 week devotional titled Faithfully Fit, written in 1991. It's not a "diet book," but rather a series of devotionals, scripture readings, and journaling activities designed to help individuals connect to God in their pursuit of health. The first week is focused on "surrendering," so I'll see how that goes.

I did the introduction today, which pointed out the following verse:

Romans 7: 22-25: "For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (NIV)

Or, from The Message paraphrase:

"It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different."

I was stunned, frankly, that there was a verse so on point. That even though I want to do better, I'm trapped in a body that wants to indulge. (Hence the chocolate cravings.) I am at the end of my rope. I simply can't overcome this on my own. Now, the real question is whether I'm ready to surrender over to God to let him fill me with the motivation, drive, and discipline to overcome this weakness.