Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Motivation

Why is it, whenever I start to "diet," I sabotage myself? Why is it, when I want to do good, that I still do bad? Romans 7:21-25.

I can't blame this on Christmas or the baby. The "Holiday Season" is a fallacy -- there is some form of excuse-laden holiday every month of the year. And, while the baby is time consuming, exhausting, and exhiliarating -- he doesn't drive me to eat. Indeed, thanks to breast feeding, he should actually be helping me take the pounds off.

It's not that I don't have the tools necessary to loose weight. I have, know, and quite often use all the right tools:
(1) I'm back at Weight Watchers meetings (for the past 3 weeks). I love my leader; she's very encouraging. But somehow, when I'm diving into a box of chocolate, I don't care what she's going to say to me a week from now.
(2) I went ahead and signed up for WW Etools. They have online journaling, so I don't even have to do the math any more! (I've pretty much memorized points values for the food I regularly eat.)
(3) My kitchen is relatively junk food free. And, if it's not, then its my fault. Evan has been pretty good about not sabotaging me lately. So, the baklava, fudge, and ice cream that has snuck its way into my kitchen this past week is because I've gone out and bought it, or asked him to bring it home. (On the bright side, I chucked the baklava last night. Better wasted then waisted.)
(4) I have a great meal plan. I re-signed up for e-mealz.com. Every Friday, I get a 7 day meal plan for Weight Watchers. Dinners are generally 6 to 8 points, and makes a serving of 6 so that I'll have left overs for lunch.
(5) I have nursing points. 10 extra points a day. I thought there would be no way I'd ever be able to eat 37 points a day! Boy, was I wrong. . .
(6) A gym membership. I paid for the whole year in advance last January. It's good through March. And yet, I haven't been to the gym since May. I could blame the pregnancy, but that's just an excuse. Now, I wish I'd spent that money on the treadmill I'd been eying. At least then, the money wouldn't have been completely wasted.

I was hoping this time would be different. Or easier. I mean, I am literally on doctor's orders to loose weight. And, I have my son as an anchor to motivate me -- he just doesn't need a mother on the edge of a stroke b/c of blood pressure problems.

I am so very tempted to quit. To say, "Now is not the time. I just don't have it in me." But, then, what happens in 6 months? Do I get back on the scale 10 lbs heavier and regret not trying now? (See http://www.weightwatchers.com/util/art/index_art.aspx?tabnum=1&art_id=44351). I know that's what will happen. So, for now, I have to focus on getting to my WW meetings and setting some realistic goals.

Maybe it will help that the Christmas fudge season has passed. . .

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